Four years have passed

With a paradigm shift

Energy is apparent

The flow is almost tangible

It ran through my body and soul

I can almost feel it

Boring

Uninteresting

Indecisive

Second thoughts

That's what I am

People hate me for this

Even my lover

Silly me

I don't know why

I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong time

People hate me for that

But I didn't mean it

My thoughts are so dominated by negative voices

That I tend to get mad for strange reason

I really don't know what to do with myself now

I feel bad about myself

I was at : 9-67 Jalan Serkut, Taman Pertama, 56100 Kuala Lumpur,

Suddenly…
I hate the way I look
I hate my body
I hate the way I handle things
I hate the way I manage my job
I hate the way I social

Depressions…

10 hours to try to solve problem
1 hour at the gym
10 minutes at the drug store to buy stomach ache pills
4 minutes listening to Alanis Morissette
1 minute missing my mum
30 seconds to write this poem

Arrogance invites jealousy
Jealousy is unseen
Jealousy invites resistance
Resistance is the visible fruit of arrogance.

- - - - -

If you ask me
“Isn’t it too late to discover yourself in your 30s?”
No, people do change
You need to self discover from time to time
Not just when you are a young adult.

So many pretentious people
They all act nice to achieve their agenda
They all have a nice people appearance
And many people buy into their act
This many people was deceived

When you do very well
They try to bring you down
They were envious
Because they are not good at it
And they say they do it just for fun
And not for showing off
I could have said the same thing to other things that they are good at!
For god sake, I’m very tired of these people

What’s wrong to be proud when you are good at something?
Everybody should be proud of something they do
Anybody who’s envy at somebody’s talent are losers, narrow minded and act like a “little people”.

I am so disconnected
I am not part of your world
You are part of theirs
I feel so lonely
I feel so vulnerable
What’s the point to see from your point of view
When nobody wants to see mine?
What’s the point of having this whole life
When I’m so disconnected from the rest of the world?

真的是很想很想抽烟
如果香烟熄了之后又如何？
难道能安眠？
难道明天会更好？
难道世界和所有人都变得更漂亮？
会有美梦吗？
会令我欢笑吗？

I don’t need the whole world to like me
It’s normal to have some people to hate me
Most importantly there are people who love me

:-)

I am guilty of having late supper tonight
I am really in the mood of shedding some fat
But I failed

One good news is that I fought my ciggie addiction today
I was so stressed as my mom is in the hospital again.
I drove by so many gas stations and convenient stores
But I didn’t stop by to buy those cancer sticks

I guess I will sleep off the addiction tonight

Work til 8
Listening to “Nobody seems to care” almost all day
Feels like hell
Still feel like going to the gym
Listening to “Nobody seems to care” in the gym again
again and again, repeatedly
Now I feel like lying down
and get unconscious
Wishing it was forever

Just Breathe...
I remember how we spent our time listening to this song
I remember how we first met in a cold fall night
I remember how we parted with the first snow fall
I remember how we cruised on your pick-up truck and drank beer in a cold
summer night
I remember how we sat on your porch and chat in a chilly summer morning
I still remember our first night
I still remember the fear you have instilled in me
Now that it is over
I still love you.

After going through a hell day of work
It’s nice to have a nice family dinner
It’s nice to eat mum’s sumptuous cooking
It’s nice to chat with mum, dad and sisters
It’s nice to laugh at a HK movie together with family
It’s nice to hear and share a good news with a best friend
It’s nice to have an iced latte and watch people walk by

Don't hate me
Because of the way I look
Don't judge me
Because you think that you know me

Don't bring me down
with your jealousy
Don't let me down
Because you want to see my sad face

Don't accuse me
Because you want to get your hands clean

I need a miracle
To break the spell
To get away with this curse